Wednesday, 17 August 2016

Random Travel Notes

The window next to me offers a unique view while travelling at night. I can look at a faint reflection of myself against the background of the dark roads and the semi-luminous inside of the bus. I have been trying to focus on my reflection. The way the outline of my face emerges on the glass window, the way my eyes seem to stare back at me, it's rather reassuring. It's better than looking in a mirror surrounded by adequate light. The abundant light and the spotless screen makes your appearance 'hyper-visible'. This makes a few minority features rather less visible to discern. There's something in the mirror that tells you what you ought to do and acquire. It also tells you what you don't have and what you don't look like. Conversely, that reflection will remind you of the places inside where the dawn of civilization has colonized the yearnings to create and expand; like the Universe above and below. In the anti-colonial imagination and stirrings, those parts only seem to regress and devolve. Your desire to know and help them only orientalizes the effort.

Returning to the reflection in the glass window. I can see my eyes staring back at me. I can also see the outline of my face. I watch the dark fields go by, with an occasional distant light. On the edges of my face, I can see something appearing and disappearing. I can see a strand of white hairs making their way down gracefully. I can see eyes that are old and wise. I can see centuries traversed in those eyes. Then all of it blurs out. It starts raining. Streaks of water come down the window, as if separating me from the time that lay ahead through a symbol of time: water. Symbols separate man from essence. Symbols are only signifiers. I pray for a life that goes beyond symbols.


The reflection of sunset

On the advertisement board

And in my eyes

Scatters around in the Universe.

How liberating would it be

To leave whatever you associated

With your existence

In the form of differently colored shadows

To leave and sacrifice that

On the altar of a glance

From the eyes fashioned by centuries

Of recognizing after forgetting

Then remembering the recognized instant

Before drowning in a thin edge

Of a limited infinity: Then recognizing

Bereavement, without knowing

Why and when it happened.


Thursday, 11 August 2016

'Silhouettes': A Translation of 'Parchayan' by Sahir Ludhianvi (Part 3)

Click here to read Part 1
Click here to read Part 2

You, a thousand miles away from here, somewhere in solitude
Or in a musical salon
Will be casting dreams about me, sitting in a stranger’s lap

And I, with a grief in my chest, work hard day and night
Dying for the sake of living
By humiliating my art, I fill the coffers of strangers

I am helpless, you are helpless, helpless is the whole world
The suffering of the body is heavier than heart’s
In this era, the price of living is either crucifixion or estrangement

I couldn’t rise to the cross, neither could you reach the threshold of industriousness
You loved me, but couldn’t embrace me
You and I are such souls, who couldn’t reach the destination of fulfillment

We live for the sake of living, but the chitas* burn in breaths
Silent loyalties burn
In the grave realms of facts, the shawls of dreams burn

And today, under these trees, two shadows have swayed again


Again, two hearts have come to meet
The tempest of death has risen again, the clouds of war have come over
I am thinking that they too, might (not) suffer the same end as ours
That their passion too, might (not) fail

Written in their fortunes too, there might (not) be an evening drenched in blood
The evening drenched in the blood of sun, I remember still
The end of the golden dreams of desire, I remember still.

Our love couldn’t bear the stroke of catastrophes
But at least they should get the night of (culmination of) desires

We only inherited the strife of homeless death
But at least they should get the ecstatic, singing life

For many days, it has been a hobby of politicians
That when kids grow up, they are murdered

For many days, it has been an obsession of rulers
That in faraway countries, famine may be sowed

For many days, the dreams of youth have been deserted
For many days, love searches for a refuge

For many days, on the highways witnessing oppression
The honor of the statue of existence searches for a refuge

Let’s go, to all the downtrodden souls
and tell them to give voice to each of their wounds

Our secret, is not ours alone, but belongs to everyone else
Let’s go and make the whole world our confidant

Let’s go to the political gamblers and tell them
That we abhor the tradition of conflict and war

The one that is not compatible with any color except (that of) blood
We abhor that mantle of existence

Say that if a murderer ever comes here
Then on every step, the land will keep becoming narrower

Every wave of the air would change its course to pounce
Every branch will become a vein of stone

Let’s stand and say today, to every warrior
That we need acres for the sake of work

We are not fond of snatching away anyone’s land
We only need ploughs on our lands

Say that no merchant should ever turn towards here
No maid shall be sold in this place

These fields have woken, these crops have revolted
No flower bed shall be sold here

This is the land of Gotham, and Nanak
Barbarians shall not walk on this pure land

Our blood is the heirloom for the new generation
On our blood, armies shall never be fed

Say_ _ _ that if we remain silent even today
Then this glowing soil is bound to be doomed

From the atomic monsters, shaped by madness
The Earth is threatened, the sky is threatened

In the previous war, only homes burnt, but this time
There’s no wonder if even these solitudes incinerate

In the previous war, only bodies burnt, but this time
There’s no wonder if even these silhouettes incinerate

Silhouettes of imaginations emerge


*chita: Woods that Hindus use to burn the dead corpses. 

Acknowledgment: Special thanks to Fahad Mehmood Sokhta for his help. Visit his blog here.

Tuesday, 2 August 2016

'Silhouettes": A Translation of 'Parchayan' by Sahir Ludhianvi (Part 2)

How delightful were those times, how beautiful were those moments
How delicate were those sehrey*, how beautiful were those garlands

Every bloomed street of the hamlet was like an island of dreams
Every wave of the self, every stream of the morning breeze was like a reservoir of symphonies

Out of nowhere, from the lush fields, started coming the sounds of trots
Carrying the heavy odor of the gun powder, started coming the winds from the West

On the radiant face of Modernity, spread the clouds of exploitation
Savageness danced in every village, forests spread in to every city

From the civilized countries of the West, came a few uniformed men
Came the arrogant pompously, the intoxicated (who were) swaying

In the silent chest of the Earth, the tent poles were being rooted
On the ways soft like butter, boot scratches started making their marks

Beneath the horrific (sound of the) band of the armies, the sounds of the spinning wheels drowned
Beneath the sweltering dust of the jeeps, the robes of the flowers drowned

The price of humans started falling, the worth of commodities started rising
The stir of the chaupaul*** started decreasing, the conscription offices started increasing

The sturdy, gregarious men of the hamlet started going as soldiers
The trail from which few return, travelers started going on that path

With these departing batches, departed honor, departed youth
Departed also the young sons of mothers, the adored brothers of sisters

Melancholy started coming over hamlets, the springs of the galas ended
From the supple branches of Mango trees, the rows of swings vanished

Dust started flying in the markets, hunger started growing in the field
The impoverishment of the impoverished houses, grew in to a plight

Inflation grew in to shortage, the whole hamlet became bankrupt

The shepherdesses lost their way, the maidens left the panghat **
So many virgin maidens, left the doorstep of their mothers and fathers

Of the poverty stricken peasants, the plough and ox was sold, the fields were sold
From the hands of the desire to live, all the means to live were sold

When there remained nothing to sell, then the trading of bodies started happening
The thing that was forbidden even in solitude, started being dared in company

The silhouettes of imaginations emerge
You are coming at dusk, (your hair) hair scattered

Carrying the weight of a thousand unsaid accusations 
Silhouettes of imaginations emerge 

From the tearing apart of lust worshiping eyes
(You are) Hiding the reluctant nudity of the body

I have gone to the city and returned after peeking in to every door
Nowhere the worth of my labor was found

In the political casinos of the oppressors
Nowhere was the worth of the wisdom acquired by ill-luck found

Silhouettes of imaginations emerge

In your house reigns the doomsday’s noise
The messenger has brought a ‘telegraph’ from the battle field

The rendition of whom you held dearer than life,
That brother got killed in the ‘line of fire’

Silhouettes of imaginations emerge

On every footstep is a cluster of ignominies
On every corner are carnivals of disgraces 

Neither friendship, nor formality, nor whole-heartedness, nor sincerity
No one is of anyone else, today all are alone

Silhouettes of imaginations emerge

That pathway which is as deserted as my heart
Who knows where it is about to take you

The murderers of conscience are buying you
On the horizons is the redness of the blood of heart’s craving

Silhouettes of imaginations emerge

The evening drenched in the blood of sun, I remember still
The end of the golden dreams of desire, I remember still

That evening I realized that in this world, like fields
The smile of the scared maidens is also sold

That evening I realized, that in this world driven by wealth
The identity of two naive souls is also sold

That evening I realized, that when the parents’ harvest is snatched away
The priceless mark of the mother’s love is also sold

That evening I realized, that when brothers are killed in war
The youth of the sisters is sold in the taverns of capital

The evening drenched in the blood of sun, I remember still
The end of the golden dreams of desire, I remember still.


*sehrey: A traditional head dress worn by the groom on his wedding. It covers his face.

**panghat: A small water fountain in homes in rural subcontinent.

***chaupal: A gathering place in the village 

Acknowledgment: Special thanks to Fahad Mehmood Sokhta for his help. Visit his blog here.

Update: 12-08-2016

Click here to read Part 3

Thursday, 16 June 2016


Human Beings search for continuities throughout their lives. It’s an inherent desire to expect that things should happen as they have happened before. However, in a bid to find a continuity or to ignore it, a lot of stuff is over looked. To be sure, things repeat themselves. Many say that the reason is that there are certain lessons that we have not learned yet and the circumstances are repeated unless one learns them. That being said, a lot of life’s circumstances are much different than anything that we have ever faced before. They are different than our childhood and the way life transpired after that. They are different than the manifestations that did or did not show up earlier or later in our lives.

Let me give you an example. I have always been fond of the skyline that very long trees form. I have loved watching it since I started my degree at Government College. I went to a park today and luckily, there were a lot of tall trees there. I became immersed in how the distant leaves formed the edge of the highest contact that the tree had with the air and sunlight. Out of unconscious intention or design, I didn’t want to see the rest of the trees that were not so high, and didn’t have the same sort of design that made trees reach out to the sky. Yet there they were, and they were hidden from me due to my inability to fathom a life that was not always high.

I only saw them when I became familiar with the old notion of happiness associated with watching air, sunlight and leaves play in the backdrop of the blue grey sky. And they were not the continuity I was looking for, nor were they supposed to be part of a moment that I wanted to remember on a random Wednesday afternoon in December. Yet independent of my bias, they were nurtured by multiple hands who saw to it that they too were around, just in case. Just in case someone was more interested in down-to-Earth than to-the-sky.

My meaning-making stopped when I looked at them and tried to decipher them. Of course, intellect wants to fit everything in a predefined picture, not knowing that it’s another way of strengthening a self-created and self-sustaining incarceration cell. Freedom to think and live again, it turns out, is nourished in the same way as imprisonment of the earliest impressions. To be sure, these impressions are flexible to the extent that they can incorporate within them an anomaly. Like a prisoner is granted several privileges to place him above the other prisoners, the end being keeping the structure of the prison in contact. It is said of the Nazi concentration camps that an inmate performed various administrative duties in the camp, who was known as a Capo. He was often times incharge of the other inmates and reported to the authorities. Such are the concentration camps of memory. A memory different from the rest is given charge of the rest and that’s how it blends in to form a coherent picture of a relatively incoherent life.

Time now is an extension of the Time past (If we think of time as perceived in a subjective human consciousness). An extension by default, builds on the previous experience. Yet, because it is an extension, it is also by default, different than the source. I would like to think that awareness of either similarity or difference might influence how we come to perceive the way time tramples over our memory. But there is an inherent bias in perceiving what-had-been-before in what-is-here-now. Perception of similarity directs our thought processes to a relatively tangible reservoir of past memories. The present moment then becomes familiar and certain. You can just feel the old neurological pathways lighting up, disguised in a sense of certainty. However, to perceive an anomaly or discontinuity is to come out of a well-established structure of mental representations. The structure feels threatened by this alien happening that has, all of sudden, raised doubts on its validity.

In this situation, whatever you have thought up till that moment becomes less valid. It’s as if, you were connected with reality with a bridge and suddenly, the side towards reality moved a few steps back due to land sliding. In this situation, your bridge and the rubble falls on the same place, so you may very well believe that the old days are still intact, even though there will be many reality checks. But still, such is the miserable sustainability of the old structure that you can live in the rubble for years and still survive. As Eliot says,

‘Years of living among the breakage
Of what was believed in as the most reliable-
And therefore the fittest for renunciation.’

It’s important to listen to the hint of anomalies that happen every day. It’s important to resist the urge of contextualizing present in the past circumstances. But how should one find or better still, build a better context to explain an anomaly? How should one hold on to an uncertain hint of transformation and follow through, rather than resorting towards old, dysfunctional ways of existence? Eliot explains it this way:

‘These are only hints and guesses,
Hints followed by guesses; and the rest
Is prayer, observance, discipline, thought and action.
The hint half guessed, the gift half understood, is Incarnation.
Here the impossible union
Of spheres of evidence is actual,
Here the past and future
Are conquered, and reconciled,
Where action were otherwise movement
Of that which is only moved
And has in it no source of movement—
Driven by daemonic, chthonic
Powers. And right action is freedom
From past and future also.
For most of us, this is the aim
Never here to be realised;
Who are only undefeated
Because we have gone on trying;
We, content at the last
If our temporal reversion nourish
(Not too far from the yew-tree)
The life of significant soil.’

Saturday, 7 May 2016

Roads and Ways

May be we are searching
For a way, out of the way
Where the drifting shadows of the wall
Fail to temper our soul
Where footsteps echo without surety 
And that echo is listened 
Without insecurity
Where the contact with the ground
Is an affirmation of the things
To come: Not a reminder
Of the ones that didn't
That when we grow tired 
We speak about being touched
By something that we didn't know
Since we knew time


Amidst the wheels searching for a way
Through the dust and heat of Mall road
Countless other ways are trodden 
By those relentless wheels driven by
The engine's collective unconscious:
The way of a non-wheel entity 
Wanting a quiet walk by the road
Or of a non-engine primate
Trying to read a book
In the adjacent Oval ground
The way of the one
Too perplexed to cross such a road
Non-engines of this age, and city
Lost the luxury of walking
Miles on a silent road.
(The road that used to be a way)


They break the roads
Without caring for the ways
Never built, never traveled
The ways that waited all too long
To watch themselves cemented
And 'honored' by concrete
The ways not frequented by neurotic wheels
The ways that are not sometimes seen
The ways that welcome a quiet walk
The ways that ease away
The woes of a capitalist day
Sanctuaries against productivity, without profit
But such places 
Won't win them elections, or profits.


It's better to tell people they can move
Anywhere they want
Courtesy of the steel tracks being laid
Anywhere they want, as long as they are away
From the personal fields that are going
Infertile: Because so many people 
Are restlessly moving away
Or living in the charm
Of being able to do that.

Monday, 14 March 2016

The Perception of Healing

The sky was stretched out in front of the Minarets. The smallness granted to the sky by urbanization somehow vanished in the instant. A streak of black clouds marked a distant milestone against the diluted blood-like color of the sky. A mountain could have been felt in that distance. 

The cold marble floor reminded him of the silent withering of his life. He got near the grave and sat down at a corner around it. Someone had told him that the place contained healing. And that healing sort of intensified at the time of Fajr.

He thought about the places that needed healing within himself. The moment he thought of them, a well rehearsed pattern of requests from the divine emerged. The process of asking felt mechanical. He felt an apathy towards it. He got up and decided to leave. An unconscious glance towards the sky told him that it was not the same anymore. 

Yet the promise of healing didn't fail him. His perception of healing did. 

Friday, 26 February 2016

If I look at you 
In a pale dote, that is blue

Then you and I
Stand united in the sky

Monday, 15 February 2016

The Cellars of Existence

I am feeling like a person
Who has a lot to convey
From the cellars of his existence
But the doors to the living room are shut
And I don't have the key
To open them
And walk through them
And sit on the chair
With my back straight
And watch the sunlight descending from the windows
Illuminating the borders
Flooded by reluctant tears
Of years of living among the solitary confinement
Being destroyed by it, yet never disliking it
There is a tree somewhere, a dense tree
In the garden of that house
I have known it through the roots
That broke through the concrete ceiling of the cellar
Searching for an unknown sustenance
Not giving up in the face of the ruthless cement
Or the DNA that told them
To stay in the mud in order to survive
Rebelling against the translation of their nature
Both the roots and me
Got to know each other
Through a distance destroyed by silence
And I then knew
Why I had been waiting to cry
For the roots had traveled all that distance
To seek those tears
A human sustenance
For a yet non human light
And when some day
The doors will open
I'll walk through the living room
In to the garden
And watch the tree
Which I had cultivated
When I couldn't even see it
The tree which was deemed
The perfect destination
By the rivers of my soul.